To all my fellow "friends in need" out there, let me say I care about you and am amazed at how much pain and suffering the world is feeling.  For me to open my heart on this website for the world to see is so scarey and not at all normal for my personality.  I've always been the strong one, put on a happy face when I'm feeling sad and not lean on anyone when I need help, not if I have the strength to handle things on my own.  But I can humbly admit, I am hanging on by a thread, to what life is left inside me and reaching out for whatever support and help I can find.   My story is so long and I will continue to share with you, the tragedies that have brought me to my knees and to the point I am now.

My Mom passed away Oct 2004, very unexpectedly and she and my son are the only family I had.  My son was 21 at the time and a senior in college.  We were as close as a Mom and Son could be........envied by his friends and mine at our loving relationship.  Not to say the teenage years were perfect but we survived.  A few months before my Mom died, my son started dating a girl who at first I was pleased.  She was pretty, smart, psychology major, and seemed to adore my son.  But by July of 2004 before my Mom passed, my Mom and I both felt uneasy, and though it may sound harsh, I felt a presence of evil around my family.  She became possessive, abusive physically and my son became her hero from a childhood of sexual abuse from her Mom's boyfriend.  After my Mom's funeral, she told my son it was not healthy to be so close to him Mother and she said it made her feel maybe something sexual was going on between my son and me.  So to prove to her she was wrong, he left me all alone Thanksgiving, 3 weeks after my Mom died, then he began to verbally abuse me and threaten to fight me on my Mom's estate.  And he did.  My Mom had more debt than assets but 2 and half years later, I am still fighting for what my Mom's last wishes were and now the attorney fees are over $30,000 as my son led the circus of lawyers jumping through hoops of fire and fighting for things that were not even owned by my Mom, they were my things and he even tried to take my own home from me.  Well, I finally won the battles that he and this girl created but it has broken my heart and my spirit.  In April 2005 I was diagnosed with Rheumitoid Arthritis and my Dr. told me last week if I don't turn my life around, get out of Florida and away from this empty life I won't live another 3 years.  I lost my job right after I was diagnosed and have been in a paralyzed state since.  I have tried to start a little business at home but have been ripped off 4 times by people I hired to help me with the physical side of setting things up. 

Now the opportunity has crossed my path to move to Arizona and work with Eco-Tourism and spiritual retreats helping people to regain and renew their own spirit as I am trying to do mine.  I just need a little help to get my credit cards paid off which is less than $4000., pay my homeowners insurance before they cancel it on Mar 15, which is $5000., and a little operating capital to get set up in Arizona.   I have always helped people out even when I could not afford to.  Put my son through 4 years of college so he didn't have to work, took care of my Mom the last 7 years of her life in and out of the hospital every year.  This time its for me and I've learned the hard way how important it is to take care of yourself first before you give so much to others hoping they will just love you in return. 

More later..........thanks for taking the time to listen.

Day 2 and I must say out of all the "saveme" websites with so many people reaching out for help in so many ways, I like the calmness and appearance of Aidpage and feel I actually made a good choice my first time out here.  I am a little baffled at the amount of people who have read my page and the number of times they came back and never stopped to say hi.  I am surprised to come across a couple of angry folks who seemed to have such high expectations of checks rolling in the mail box to pay off their debt claims, I think like me most of us don't expect much at all except perhaps one person with a great idea or a lead to help us find solutions to our mountain of problems and pain that goes with it.  I do hope I am able to contribute something to anyone I can as my deadline approaches very soon to resolve  a few cash flow urgencies and set a course on my new path to Arizona and work on healing my broken spirit from years of abuse and thinking I can fix all things by myself in time but surrendering yourself and admitting none of us are equipped to handle all things all alone except our Creator.  Why we are programmed and expected to perform the miracles in life as though we should be ashamed when bad things happen to good people is the billion dollar question in this day and time.  Are we becoming more shallow and afraid to be what we are?  Just human?  I may not make it to my new destination, I could end up losing everything and be homeless and my Dr. of 12 years and my friend assures me I won't live another 2 years unless I make the choice to change this path I'm on with fear being the enemy trying to block my next step.  I have dealt with more tragedy in two years than most do in a lifetime but I don't want to do it alone anymore, in fact we are not programmed like a robot to journey each day of this life without the love and support of others, even if our own family has abandoned us, there are so many people just waiting to begin a new family with one another.  I hope I will find strength enough to keep taking a few more steps so this path will be behind me, where it belongs.  If anyone needs a friend and moral support, please stop and say hi.  A year from now I will be handing out the financial support to those who are where I am now.  I end this chapter tonite with this quote my grandmother used to tell me when I was a little girl......"Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality"    -Nikos Kazantzakis-

Tonite be at peace and tomorrow make the choice to smile at someone.